Everyone Obtain a Drum Pump Forever Now!

On this day, in the words of this very blog post, we command all of our readers to obtain a drum pump at this very moment (or as soon as practicable) and to keep it forever (or until death do you part). We make this commandment not out of some lust for power or to make a profit off of the products you purchase. Indeed we have no real connection to either the drum or pump manufacturing and selling industries. So why then do we place this burden unto you gentle reader? What is in it for us?


These are two very good questions you just asked. They demonstrate that you have a mind of your own and are not simply content to follow every command that you are given like some kind of robot. On the other hand these questions you ask also demonstrate that you are not necessarily rebellious and are willing to submit to a command if it is given from a place of good faith and reason. Therefore, gentle reader, because of the good faith on your own part that you have demonstrate through these two very important and reasonable questions you have asked we shall grant your petition and answer them.

Why do we issue this commandment and what do we stand to benefit therefrom? We make this commandment from a place of compassion. We realize that you are in possession of industrial drums filled with vital fluids. We further realize that you have no efficient way of extracting said vital fluids. Therefore we command you to purchase a pump so that extracting those vital fluids becomes an easy process for you. Now, what is in it for us? Very simply, we experience joy when we see that a burden in your existence has been lifted.